His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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