i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize