it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Randomize
