the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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