so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
being pregnant is like rehab
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
is that a dick in a sweater?
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