We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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