Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
