One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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