I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize