Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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