If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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