I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
