My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
