Duck Duck Cougar?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
