Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
