I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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