He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
