all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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