I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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