I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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