I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
