Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They took my balls.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got inside last night via doggy door
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
