Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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