he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
did you just send me my own nude
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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