At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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