There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
