omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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