I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize