so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
