Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize