god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
