WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
