grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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