At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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