last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize