I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
