I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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