Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
