Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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