I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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