Kiss
Puke
Do you still have your period?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
