Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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