I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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