he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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