GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
