i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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