Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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