ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
