On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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