I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
