Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
