it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm getting married
To pizza
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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