sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Even my vagina gasped.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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