11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
