Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
