is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
