every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
