Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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