Your tits are I can't wait for
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
