Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
