Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
