He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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