are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
