dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
