I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
