Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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