I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
