how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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