I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I woke up under a house in Key West
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