I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
