I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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