I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
