thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
