for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
