I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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