Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
