I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
