My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize