i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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