i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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