Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
