On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
