I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
