it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
