the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
