You're completely useless in the revolution.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
