I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
