I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
