I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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