the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize