I smell stomach acid.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
