Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize