i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
