Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
