i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
