He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
