Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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