She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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