I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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