I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize