You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
okay pat passed out under dana's car
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
