So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
