I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
