you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
