Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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