and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
