i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
