does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
