shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just want nice things and good sex
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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