Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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