Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
