you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
