I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
